Credit to Pat.

If Shakespeare was a Malaysian playwright

Act 1 Scene 1

Dolluss: We fear for our throne, for did not he, the once vanquished, rise as he promised, from the ashes of destruction?

Najibuss: Hail Dolluss, the vanquished one has arisen only to seek hell again, for fear not, Najibuss, your humble lieutenant and worthy successor will sever head from body should another step forward he maketh.

Dolluss: Najibuss, know yee not, this he yee seek to slain, of sterner stuff than mere mortal, is made?

Najibuss: Najibuss the son of Razakus do not fear mortals. Slain him I will, for in my possession a miraculous substance I have, sent by the Gods of War. See for to it Great Dolluss, my miracle substance will mince meat make of him that traitor Anwaruss.

Dolluss: Caution oh young Najibuss, for in the Stars, the Gods of Hadhari speaks of voluminous crowd doth follow him. His strength lies not in his hands or miraculous substance, but in the crowd that doth follow him in the millions. Go now brave Najibuss, your duty awaits. This throne thou must protect for is it not this throne that thy seeketh?

Najibuss: Hail Dolluss, Emperor of Malayuss, Keeper of the Throne of Sleepuss, I promise to serve his head for us to feast.

Act 1 Scene 2

Kairuss: Oh, father, have thou reneged on thy promise?

Dolluss: Ah, Kairuss, the husband of of my lovely Noruss, why has thou made such a false accusation? The Great Dolluss, father of Hadhariland always keepeth his words.

Kairuss: Forgive me O Great Emperor. I, your son, though not borned yee by the late Queen, but still thy son non the less, for in thee a father I see, is troubled by the promise yee made to that lecherous lieutenant, Najibuss, the Lord of Pekanuss, that this throne, yee once promised me would to him yee bequeath.

Dolluss: Ah Kairuss, the young Sire of Oxfordus, patience is a virtue thou must learn. Anwaruss is too invincible for yee to fight alone. Let Najibuss, whose great ambitions blind him, inflict great wounds on Anwarus but the final kill will be the one that yee, my son, taketh to sever the head of that Traitor Anwaruss and in yee, the people will see a hero, worthy of the Throne of Malayuss

Act 2 Scene 1

Najibuss: Oh, Great Dollus, Great Dollus. I come with bad tidings from the forest of Permatanguss Pauhuss. The Traitor Anwaruss had summoned the forces of evil and led a great Tsunamic tide. Our men, oh brave soldiers, are no match for the might of the mighty Tsunami that he led.

Dolluss: Oh God of Gods, what is to become of my throne? Oh, Noble Najibuss art thou hurt in this treacherous war? Tell me what strategy thy
seeketh that cannot but wound this trecherous Anwaruss.

Najibuss: Oh Great Emperor, with me I brought a million soldiers from the Kingdom of UMNOus, all man of great stature who have battled in Ijokuss. The merceneries of Rempituss too were in my ranks and a secret weapon I had kept in the person of Saifulluss were all thrown upon the Traitor but a current so strong and a wave so mighty that dwarfed the Himalayuss hit us. Our brave soldiers could not look at his forces, for from intelligence I hear, his man do not seek rewards of the Ringgituss kind but only the glory of victory.

Dollus: Saifulluss? Who is this Saifulless yee sayeth? Is he a magician? A soldier?

Najibuss: No Great Emperor, he is none of the type yee sayeth. His strength lies not in the front yee see but in the back of his bottom for in that tiny orrifice that he hides lies a great weapon that once vanquished the Traitor Anwaruss.

Dolluss: What? Oh Najibuss, and I thought that in yee I could trust. Do yee not see that in war one do not use the same strategy a second time?

Najibuss: Oh Lord of Hadhariland, more bad tidings have I to report.

Dolluss: Is defeat not an end in itself that more tidings should surface out of it? Say it, say it O Lord of Pekanuss. What more scorn would the Heavens pour on us.

Najibuss: Our men from the Specialuss Branchuss report that the Traitor Anwaruss has in his grips the promises of more than three score and ten of our lawmakers to install him the new Emperor of Malayuss.

Kairuss: Father, father what is this I hear from the mouth so foul of this disgraceful Lord of Pekanuss. My throne, my throne, is it not to be mine?

Act 2 Final Scene

Dolluss: Have the men taketh my favourite couch, on which many many hours of blissful sleep I had?

Jeanuss: Yes, O banished Ex-Great Emperor. The couch is safely tucked in the bondage truck on its way to Kapaluss Batasuss.

Dolluss: Oh Putruss Jayuss, fare thee well for I may not walk this road again.

Jeanuss: Come, come make haste lest they find out that I have also taken your favourite bed.

Dollus: Wait, Kairuss, where is he?

Jeanuss: Zimbabwayuss, with Mahathiruss and Mukhruss.